| Daisy is always teaching me how to look at the ordinary in an extraordinary way. Here are some of her memorable responses over the past few months. "I'm just looking at the clouds. Some are big and some are small and they are all different shapes. I'm thinking that God must have a lot of fun when he makes clouds." "My teacher said that I shouldn't second guess myself. People shouldn't second guess themselves unless they think they might be wrong." "You asked me what I want to be when I grow up but I don't know. Right now, I just want to be a kid." "Can we give some of my toys to the kids who don't have any?" "I wish I had a hamburger." "Why don't some people want their kids?" "I'm hot and I don't like seat belts." Sometimes, I think about the day when I will look in the rear view mirror and there will be no one sitting in the backseat. When it happens, I know I will think about all the times when I had the radio on...why didn't I turn it off? How many times did I wish that one or all of them would fall asleep and stop arguing with each other? These days that seem to last forever will be gone before I know it. Last night, we were getting ready to leave the house for Daisy's school program. Having forgotten to purchase a new cassette to record it, we took an unlabeled one that looked like it had room on it. Making sure we weren't recording over something important, we connected it to the television...what we saw made us catch our breath. An 18 month old Daisy toddled around the living room while a first grade Jonah jumped around. Everyone was quiet as we watched our family playing peekaboo together. Daisy walked over to the camera I held and put her arms up for me to pick her up. Oh, that I could have reached through the television and done that! I watched that family play, heard them laugh, and wanted to cry for all that would happen to them over the next few years...the things they didn't know about yet. They didn't know that the years between then and now would be very hard ones. How many things can cause separation? They would experience their fair share...divorce, death, health issues...they were unprepared and I wanted to warn them, but this was a time for laughter, who would take that from them? Later, they would understand what they had taken for granted. Happy shouts from Daisy and Jonah were abruptly cut off and the television suddenly showed us on Christmas Day in Mineral, playing in the snow for the afternoon. The next scene, Christmas evening, showed my grandmother sitting in my parents' kitchen, out of bed for the first time since her ovarian cancer surgery, since being sent home on Hospice Care, and since being a disobedient patient and not dying within the week as had been predicted three months earlier. A big smile lit up her face as we wondered at her strength. This was 2002. The next video showed my grandmother learning to walk again, and in the next, she was with her Hospice nurses, celebrating being released from their care as she had exceeded the 6 month mark. What a mischievous grin she had...we would get to enjoy my grandmother, affectionately known as Grandma Tom, for three more years. We watched Daisy's program with a new understanding that this night would only be here once. Linda Jo wanted to videotape the event, and as she did, I looked over at her, remembering watching the video of a fourth grade girl in the snow on Christmas Day. Again, I saw her running to the car to get warm as I followed her with the camera. When she was young, it seemed that I was often holding a video camera and now I had to wonder at my choices...why wasn't I holding her hand? The years have been difficult, but at the same time there has been much good in them. I look back and marvel. Joe and I celebrated our 19th year of marriage this week. My grandmother miraculously recovered from stage 4 Ovarian Cancer. Because she lived, Daisy was able to know her, enjoy her, and remember her. I have three wonderful children that I would not trade for anything...and every once in a while, when I fall silent, it seems that God himself speaks to me from the back seat. "Grandma Tom is in heaven and Grandpa Tom is there, too. They're not sick anymore and they can walk really well." |
| Being in the car affords an excellent opportunity for my kids to talk and express their opinions. Being the youngest, Daisy often sits quietly while the older two dominate the conversation. I love looking in the rear view mirror and seeing her gaze out the window. "Daisy," I say, getting her attention. "What are you thinking about?" This simple question has drawn out a wealth of |
| playing peek-a-boo... |