| Where were you during the Great Red Bluff Bomb Scare of "09? I'll never forget where I was and what I was doing when I first heard the news over the Walmart intercom. First, let me say that I had suspected something was up when I had arrived at Walmart and saw police cars with lights flashing and a police officer running around the lot with a yellow roll of "Police Line Do not Cross" tape. Other police officers were setting carts on their sides inside parking spaces. "Wow!" Linda Jo wondered, looking at the flurry of excitement. "I wonder what's going on?" Focused on my shopping list, I decided that we should enter the store through the garden center. "Could be a bomb," I guessed, "but that kind of danger doesn't exist in a rural area like Red Bluff." We went in, selected what we needed, and just because one tends to remember small details in such catastrophic events, I'll fill you in on what I recall. I was between the toy and sporting good sections, looking at a large display of 100 oz. Super Miracle Bubbles when the unexpected announcement came. "All shoppers and associates, please exit the building in an orderly fashion. Do not panic, everything is fine. Please exit the building." It was then that I knew that there must be a bomb somewhere. Surely, Walmart wouldn't ask customers to leave with all their money for any other reason. Confession: As the woman repeated the message over the loudspeaker, I took a serious look, not at my life and how I had lived it, but at my cart. I considered how I had just wasted 40 minutes of my life placing things in this cart. Some of these were clearance items that I need for a bulletin board I am creating. I had already been to 2 other stores looking for a grass table skirt and some plastic jungle plants. Now this? "Pain in the...!" I muttered under my breath. Maybe you think this is shallow behavior, but I was not alone with these thoughts. Exiting through the garden center, I heard other people, who were also driven by materialism, loudly voicing these same sentiments. When I arrived at the checkout counter in the garden center, I saw that the associates were still working at the cash registers. I asked one of them if I could still buy the things in my cart. "Why wouldn't you be able to buy them?" he asked. "Because your store is being evacuated," I answered. He smiled, "Well, I didn't hear anything about it out here." This kind associate proceeded to ring up my purchases while I encouraged him to hurry. He had made it through 4 items when a female associate came out and said that everyone had to leave the store. "Hurry, hurry!" I urged the cashier. "I'm hurrying!" he answered...and he was. There were a few obedient customers who immediately allowed themselves to be ushered out of the safety of the store and into harm's way...I mean, into the parking lot. Yes, the empty suitcase bomb was out in the very parking lot where they were so anxious for us to be. In the store, I watched the associate ringing up my items as fast as he could while I listened to others complaining that they wanted to buy what was in their carts. One older gentlemen stood quietly beside his cart which held a box of adult diapers. I felt sorry for him! We will never know, and I certainly didn't ask, if even now he was on his last diaper. Poor man! If all this excitement didn't scare the pee out of him, what would? There was a bit of a scuffle near the door as people attempted to exit the store while a female associate blocked others from entering. "I'm on my way to Oregon!" yelled a tall thin man, poking his head around her. "I need supplies!" The inside customers looked irritated as they couldn't care less about anything but their own would-be purchases which might be left behind in the madness. The associate waiting on me had just one more item to scan when the registers shut down. I am telling the truth...that trip to Walmart was the oddest experience I have ever had. Walking out of the store, looking at the police cars, the flashing lights, the yellow tape, the gathered crowds...it was surreal, not because of these things, but because, for perhaps the first time, I was leaving Walmart without buying anything! It just felt strange. Such an emptiness in my hands! I could tell that others were feeling the same bewildered shock that was settling over me. The psychological impact of this unprofitable shopping trip trauma would stay with us for days. Outside, people were gathered around watching, waiting for some excitement. Others were complaining about what they had left behind inside their carts. Me? I went to another store to get what I needed. It was in Walgreen's that another former Walmart customer told me that a suitcase had been left in the parking lot. I often lack foresight in such issues. Had I found the suitcase, I would have probably taken it into Walmart and asked them to put it in the lost and found, or, I might have even opened it to look inside for a name. It absolutely would not have crossed my mind that a bomb might be inside of it. Let's face it, people are always forgetting items at Walmart...I have seen diaper bags, soda cans, boxes, and even a large pair of used underwear out in the parking lot. Yet, on that day, someone found a suitcase, was suspicious, and our local law enforcement was forced to respond seriously, in accordance with procedures that, I am sure, are preset. Later, as I reflected on my total disbelief that we were ever in any real danger, I remembered that all things happen for a reason. Surely, there must be something that I could gain from this experience. In a great show of philosophical effort, I have come to a few conclusions about the fleeting nature of life. Life is...well, life is seasonal. Items such as grass table skirts cannot be found year round. This is why it is best to stock up on seasonal purchases. You simply don't know when you might need a grass table skirt...or when you might lose something important in a Walmart parking lot. Right now, somewhere, some poor soul is scratching his head, wondering where his suitcase went. It couldn't possibly have fallen out of his car could it? Suitcases don't just sprout legs and walk away! Heaven help this person should he decide to call Walmart and ask if he forgot his case in their parking lot. Forgive my insensitive rambling, it's just that somewhere in this situation, I'm sure that there's a deep and meaningful lesson about life, misplaced societal values, and time that is wasted due to an overactive imagination. I'm simply too shallow to see the meaning behind it all, perhaps because I was inside the store and not out in the parking lot. Not having been out there, I can only speculate about what went on... Here's one exciting scenario that crossed my mind: The truth is never as interesting as the fiction I can conjure up in my own mind. Sign the Guestbook Vent at the Shallow Writer (Go ahead...I can handle it.) |
