Where does Spam come from?
Not the spam in the can (although I'm not clear on the exact origin of that, either),
I'm talking about the spam in my email box.
Who sends this to me?
I never open this email spam; I only read the names and the subject lines.
I read them in disbelief.
Someone named "Corn" wants to give me a loan? Bob, is that you?
A company named "Colonic Irrigation Supplies" found my email address.
The subject line said, "We're Having a Blowout Sale."
That was unfortunate wording.
(A word about colonics. I have a friend who does these.
I was totally ignorant about them and was listening to her talk about how wonderful
she felt after doing something called "irrigating."
There was that word "irrigating" but the whole concept just wasn't sinking in.
"Exactly what did you do to yourself?"
I questioned, thinking that I'd like to feel that good.
"I gave myself a coffee cleanse."
I was elated. "I love coffee! So, is it a fast, where you just drink coffee?
I can do that!" She shook her head. "You don't drink the coffee, April."
It took me a moment, then understanding sank in...irrigating...ooohh!
Coffee, wonderful coffee, an excellent source of caffeine...wasted on a colon?
Colons can't appreciate coffee! A colon probably doesn't even care if the coffee
has cream and sugar in it. A colon would not taste the coffee and think,
"But I'd rather have a mocha."
Who came up with the idea that a colon would want coffee?
What's next? Colons wanting chocolate?)
As kids, my sister and I used to play a game...
If I marry someone with the last name of______I'll name my kid_______."
We came up with some very original names...
"If I have the last name of Ester, I'll name my daughter Polly."
If I have the last name of Normal, I'll name my daughter Abby,"
My mom knew some twin boys named Ivan and Vivan.
Poor Vivan, suffering the plight of many a twin. Ivan was the good name and then,
what's this, another kid? Hmmm...it would be too much work to find another name
as good as Ivan. Let's just rhyme it...Bivan, Mivan, Tivan, Vivan...Vivan, that'll do.
Melvin and Delvin are another prime example.
The best name I've ever heard is still Bob Corn. It's original, and it shows creativity.
I want to interview the person in Red Bluff with the most unique name.
Contact me if yours is interesting.
On another topic, here's an update for you...
A couple of months ago, I mentioned that my husband was building a back yard fort
for the kids. It's an impressive structure, with an upper deck that is level with our
neighbor's roof. It is still a work in progress, without a railing on the top so only our
dog dares to play on it. He stands up there and barks at our neighbors when they
leave their house. I worry about this and have asked my husband again and again if
maybe the neighbors will be annoyed at having lost their privacy to our dog.
He said, "They won't be. They'll love it, especially when we put our American flag up
there...right next to our bell." Bell? Bell? Oh dear.
Hmmm...don't you wish we lived next door to you?
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Our dog, Leroy, takes the phrase "neighborhood watch" to a whole new level.
I haven't heard from anyone this week...not one single email from any of you.
I only got spam this week, how disappointing!
I'm just curious to know if you're all still there.
Let me know you're reading, especially if your name is Bob Corn.
Bob, my birthday is next week, and it would be polite if you recognized it with an email.
I know what you're thinking, "I've never even met you, why are you writing about me?"
I'll tell you why... I'm curious to know what you named your kids.
I want to know if your grand-kids call you Pop.
Bob Corn, you are a fascinating man! We want to know more about you.
I have an interesting name, too.
My parents gave me the middle name of May.
April May...maybe this info will help you understand my hangup with names.
It might explain a few other things as well.
My parents did not expect me to be a normal person, therefore,
they did not give me a normal name. What other conclusion can I make?
Have a Happy Easter, all you with normal names.
Feel sorry for me, please, I only have four more days of vacation left.
On the brighter side, I will be having a birthday.
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