| It took me a while to figure out what this meant. But I did! Here you go... News Flash! The Death of Frosty A Solemn Moment on Historic Main Street |
| Frosty the Snowman promised his wife that he'd be back again someday...a promise broken due to his early death, which doctors say may have stemmed from the toxic fumes emanating from his corn cob pipe on a continual basis. His wife sat near his remains, claiming that it was global warming that caused his untimely demise. The matter is being investigated as a possible homicide and topping the list of suspects may be his own wife. One witness states, "She was unusually cheerful at such a somber event, and as soon as he started melting away, she left for a day at the beach. That's suspicious." Reading a prepared statement, his wife blamed the historic clocktower, saying that it had upset Red Bluff's delicate ecosystem and contributed to warming the heart of Red Bluff. She claimed that everyday from 12:23 to 1:47, the high intensity of the sun's heat reflecting from its copper top had been directly targeted at Frosty's head, making him delusional. In the end, he believed his old straw hat to be a magical barrier to the blinding rays. She said that despite her grief, people should know that "Frosty had two sides, laughing and playing with children while in public, but when we were alone he would become violent, his whole face would change, and even his eyes seemed to be made of coal." His friends disagree. "He was a good man, always thinking of others. Even as he started to leave us, he waved goodbye saying, 'Don't you cry.' Who knew he would get so mushy and soft at the end of his life? He was a holly, jolly soul whose life was needlessly cut short." |
| Frosty's friends speak out in his defense. |
| The deceased Frosty and his wife. |
