| Dear Dove Company, I am writing regarding the Dove Chocolate Promises you make, in particular, the ones with the little quotes inside the wrappers: "Go to your happy place" "Smile, people will wonder what you're up to" and so on. First of all, let me say that your Dove Promises are very good, so good, in fact, that they have created a problem for me. Last week, I was feeling depressed and so I bought a bag of Dove Promises, thinking that the chocolate would help release some seratonin. This did help, but I found that when the chocolate was combined with the positive quote inside the wrapper, it simulated some much-needed therapy. It really helped me through a rough time, but I regretted it in the morning. I am not a person who needs to feel good about eating chocolate. I want to lose weight! I suggest you create a different kind of "Dove Therapy Chocolate," and instead of calling them "Dove Promises," you call them "Dove Threats." When I pop that smooth and creamy bite of chocolate into my mouth, I need to look down at the wrapper and read something like: "You have a fat butt." While not completely erasing the good feeling of chocolate, it would help me to think twice about grabbing another piece. Here are some other suggestions for Dove Threats: "Smile, people will know you've been eating." "You have potato chips stashed in your happy place, don't you?" "When you get to your happy place, you binge on ice cream." "When you get to your happy place, your pants won't fit." "Smile, but make sure there's no chocolate between your teeth." "You're due for a dental checkup." "How many antioxidants do you think you need?" I hope you take my suggestion and make threats instead of promises. I predict that these new chocolates will be in great demand. Sincerely, A Red Bluff Resident |
| This letter has been sent. I will post the response just as soon as I receive it. |